Reaps and rewards

No internet connection
No personal workstation
Tough day-night-day-night shift rotation
Short and irregular mealbreaks
Immense pressure each day
Unforgiving bosses

These push factors....almost made me decide to resign back then in late-may. I'm glad I didnt do it eventually, as I can say that finally I managed to brace the crucial initial learning period. It's not all bad actually, as I realised that what i have to bear with as stated above, does not translate into losses necessarily. I'm definitely making gains now, but its still early - too early to tell what I'm getting out of all these.

Till then then.

Been a while...isn't it?

Hadn't been updating my blog for ages, i realised. The past month or so had been a really tough month for me. In fact...its been so tough, i actually seriously thought of tendering in my resignation for that few days when i'm at my emotional trough. It was like...i was being 'hammered' from all directions at my workplace - pressure from bosses, expectation from colleagues, demands from customers and an ever-increasing pile of work. Made me really wanted to simply give up and walkaway then.

I'm grateful for that talk that I had with uncle SL, which gave me the extra boost that I needed then to hang on, and hang on I did. Now things have become much better - the pressure from my bosses have eased up as I pick up more of the tricks of the trade, I'm also getting along better with my colleagues, handling customers better and most importantly, cleared that pile of backload! ^_^

Whew....what a month (okay...2months) of mental roller coaster.

And now on a totally unrelated topic:
"How long i take to make, i take to break." I feel that....this is what that i'm undergoing right now. It should be quite a while more, before I appear in cupid's job list - again.

Purpose.

As extracted from a popular anime:


"Sword is a weapon , swordmanship is the art of killing - no matter how we disguise it the fact does not change."

What it meant is this - that a sword is createdas a tool of murder, that learning swordsmanship is equivalent to learning how to kill. That, is the purpose of a sword.

Then, what is the purpose of a human, an individual? What does life, the continual existance of us represent? My friend's blog mentioned about the concept of nihilism, which basically suggests that life is empty and that we all just live and die. Would you subscribe to such a theory? If then, why do you think likewise? If not, then what do you define as your purpose in life?

Mine? I'm still thinking about it. How about you?

Chasing back lost time

Recently, I have the 'honour' of being graced by 2 dark eye rings that developed around my eyes. (where else? ^_^) I am not really sure as to when it actually appeared as normally its hidden below my spectacle frames. My initial reaction was that of surprise as I wasn't expecting that at all.

Come to think of it though, it really shouldn't come as a surprise as since starting work with my new employer i've been sleeping for only 5 hours or so (sometimes less) for the past 3 weeks. Outside of work I've added items like nihongo lessons, bike lessons, exercising & meeting friends into whatever free time I have. So far, my stand on it is that it's been tiring, but definitely fulfilling.

I always have the thinking that I've already wasted a large good part of my youth either doing unimportant things or not doing anything good at all. Time, being such a valuable resource, cannot be recovered once its lost - hence since I cannot find back lost time, the only thing I can do, is to make best the usage of what amount of time I have left.

To reach the red moon, where l'll be reborn

In chinese mythology there is a story about the 'bridge of naihe' based on the concept of karma. It is believed that when a person dies, all the deeds that he has done will then be assessed, then depending on the eventual verdict, the ultimately kind person will then be sent to heaven to reap the seeds he has sowed, whearas the ultimately sinful person will be sent to hell via the bridge of naihe, Where he'll have to atone for all the wrong doings committed, before being given another chance and get reborn back into the mortal realm.

A similar concept on karma is represented in a console game I came across - the game has an enchanting scene song, whose tune I still remember to this day. Part of the song goes something like this: "Red moon red moon, cleanse my soul. Let your shine of benovelence release me from my sins" Set in the netherworld, souls who had sinned much during their lives are sent to the netherworld to slave so as to atone for their sins. Every few hundred years or so, the moon will turn red, offering the chance for the souls who had fully atoned by then to be reborn.

A topic that certainly borders on the issues of spirituality and religion isn't it? Come to think of it, if we only realise how we had fared as a person only when we had reached the 'bridge of naihe', its already too late isn't it? How much long do we have to wait then before we can see the red moon again then? Its easy to make an U-turn when driving. Its not too hard to catch up on missed television drama episodes either. Life, however, is a different matter altogether; we cannot recover back lost time. Neither can we undo the pain that we sometimes inflict onto our loved ones. But we can still change for the better - we decide where the 'point of no return' is. It may not be possible to undo the wrongs done but its certainly possible to create more rights. This, I believe, is the red moon that each and everyone can find - within ourselves.

Born under the wrong stars

I had the opportunity to board one of the container vessels today as part of my training programme. It was certainly an enlightening experience, to experience how it was like to be "near the dirt". I saw for myself how lashing (the securing of containers to the ship) was done by the lashing workers and even had the opportunity to do some hands-on.

The lashing bar itself is definitely not light. Even when using both hands I only barely managed to latch the 2 layer's length lashing bar onto the upper layer's corner casting hole. With the 3 layer's length lashing bar I fail to even lift it up beyond my chest height. There's definitely at least 15kg (2-layer type) to more than 20kg (3-layer) of solid iron in these bars. Sounds tough? Now consider that today's container vessels can carry up to 10000 of these containers each. Now it sounds like a daunting task isn't it? Now here's the icing - these guys are on 12 hour shifts but paid less than your average white-collar worker.

Given a choice, many of us would choose not to work. Our fellow humans doing the lashing job probably did not even have the luxury of harbouring that thought. It's not their choice either to have to choose to do this lashing job under an environment whereby not only are you exposed to the elements, having to work both rain or shine, they are also under constant danger as constantly there's always some 20tonnes of material being hoisted somewhere above your head.

Now that you have taken the patience to read this entry till this far, are you finding your own job looking a little more acceptable already? That serving nasty customers isn't that bad, that the long hours spent in the office isn't that bad, and that being at the bottom rung of the corporate ladder isn't that bad? Let us just give a pat to ourselves, and promise ourselves that the next time wher we see the lashing worker who works in the port, the brick and mortar labourer from the construction site or the elderly cleaner who maintains the toilet, that we will not imagine that they had drunk invisibility potion but to instead, give them a little acknowledgement, a little respect and a little smile that costs nothing but can mean so much to them.

Shall we?

Settling into the next phase of my life.

Today is the first sunday since l've started work. There's a lot for me to learn, to absorb but the good thing is that i'm feeling optimisstic about the whole thing. I remember again what the motivator at the D.I.S.C personality profiling talk - "a good method of gauging if the job is suitable for you, is to ask yourself this question: do you get energised by the job, or do you feel drained by it?"

This is the question that prompted me then to think long and hard. I knew then that the prospects of continuing working in an entry level position in a call centre environment does not excite me but what does? Well at least I like what I see so far!

"The banking and finance sector is where the big money is." Well, money may be root of all evil but its important for us to live a comfortable lifestyle! This pretty much explains why b&f degree and post-graduate courses are so popular isn't it? I did explore before, the possibility of working in the b&f sector, but I later decided that I wouldn't want money to become the main course of my career. I still love my money though! (Think 韩信点兵 多多益善

I've the chance to share with some of my friends our career navigating decisions recently. Some of them have made the move, some considering their options now, while others who are graduating in a matter of months will have to start thinking about it very soon. Each of them base their decisions on slightly varying basis but we all hope to do well eventually. Of course, there are also people at the other end of the spectrum - who are perfectly happy to stay at where they are, either because they are currently doing well and/or are contented with status quo.

Do you believe in....

The chinese almanac?

^_^ I have friends that do. Not friends that are 40, 50 years old but rather, friends that are of my generation - meaning people in their 20-somethings! Hmmm I never knew that april (ie 3rd month of the lunar calendar) is not good for moving house! Geez...its like what you see in the chinese 古装 shows....whereby when couples get married, they will refer to the chinese almanac to pick an 'auspicious' date. My good friend did just that, deciding that next december will be a good choice based on the almanac, perhaps based on the fact that his horoscope does not advocate mariage for this year , the year of the rooster(we are both born in the year of the saru - monkey in japanese). Hmmm so the year of pig makes for a better year for marriage? I wonder.... :O I wish my good friend eternal bliss anyway! Thanks for giving me 2 year's notice to prepare your wedding hongbao yah? hahah.....

Fengshui?

Apparently...Fengshui does seem to have a large group of believers. Many business owners especially, believe that Fengshui plays an important role in factoring whether their business will enjoy good fortune or not. Everything physical aspect can affect the business' fortunes - be it the piece of land that the business is on pysically, the layout of the building, the surrounding roads and amenities and so on. I must admit that my knowledge of Fengshui though is very limited - too limited for me to make an informed review.

My father is a recent converted follower of fengshui. Perhaps he hasn't been doing well these few years and thus he becomes more willing to try out alternate solutions to improve his fortunes. Let me describe some of the experiments he did.

1. The door ba kuat - ba kuat is an octagon shaped mirror with some taoist inscriptions (i think) that's supposed to ward off evil. Hmmm i'm not too sure about evil but the location of the mirror does happen to be just opposite my neighbour's catholic cross.....

2. The altar shift - I have a taoist altar in my house where my parents do their daily worshipping. Used to have my desktop table next to it, until my dad decided that the table is 'blocking' the good aura of the altar and has to go. I obliged.

3. The 4-3-3.
This one is the ultimate! At the corner of my living room facing the main door, my father has converted the phone table into his 'guards of the good fortune' altar. Its rather hard for me to describe it literally hence i got this picture uploaded ^_^

Incredible isn't it? he actually placed a total of 11 figurines in this D.I.Y fengshui formation. The placement of the figurines look incredibly alike a soccer formation to me, that i'm tempted to help him switch it to a more continental 4-4-2 formation. Nah....not a good idea des.



Astrology?

Among the various items I raised, this is probably the one that I believe in the most. Do take a look at my previous blog entry about what I wrote on Taurus people.

My ex-girlfriend has a rather remarkable grasp on this field of study. She is able to tell the astrological sign of a person simply by looking at the way the person behaves. Quite impressive and useful I'll say. What's your astrological sign? Have you tried matching your personality to the generic traits of your astological sign?

Religion?

What do you think? Is there a god?

Life is something very precious, very fragile.

Just moments ago, I took a jog around my neighbourhood - something very mundane, something not unlike what a normal person could had done. Halfway during my job however, I suddenly felt an impact from down under my shoe - I had crushed a snail without being aware of its presence, killing it instantly in the process. Seconds later, while crossing the road I had a close shave with death myself. I had initially made sure that the nearside lane is clear of incoming traffic from my right before turning my head left to check the traffic on the other lane of the road; by then I have started to lift my left foot off the pedestrian lane preparing to step onto the road when I then realised this increasing glare of light from my right - I froze. The next second felt like the longest second of my life as the yellow citicab dashed across the road just centimeters in front of me. The first image that came to my mind was that of a white flash, before I felt the gush of wind created by the speeding taxi then the revelation of how close i was, to death.

My life is as fragile as the snail that I stepped and crushed on. Had I just took a bigger step a little earlier, I would had met with the same end as I get knocked onto head on by the speeding taxi. It would not had been the taxi's fault by any chance as it has yet to flash green on the traffic light. So close, so fragile. How different are our lives from that of the snail that I've killed? Is it okay to feel wrong about killing another person but show absolutely no remorse about killing another living thing even if its not another human? What a chance event that set me thinking about what life's meaning may be.

How long has it been?

More than half a year has past since that dreadful day. Time is indeed a great healer as i now see that my wounds have all but healed. Well...all that's left are the better memories of the past relationship. I'm glad, that she has been doing well, both in her career and her love life. Read her blog recently and found that she has now a new love in her love. Ii des ne...Glad for her ^_^

Me? My love life hasn't had much changes since. Perhaps its still not my turn yet I guess, that I just got to wait for that chance encounter to happen. Not that I cannot wait for it to happen though. Much has happened since that day, I have since quitted my cso job with m1. Was a risky decision then, as I tendered my resignation without first securing a job elsewhere first. Call me impatient, but I decided that if I were not to resign first, I'll hardly have the resolve to seek a new career path. That level of inertia would had been to high, too comfortable for me to make the first move. I've lost count of the number of times that my colleagues and friends commented on how bad a decision I had made and the amount of financial risk that I am subjecting myself to. Well, they were right to think that way - it was risky. Azmi would had been the first to warn me about it.

I consider myself rather lucky. I only started applying for jobs in mid february, submitting only a handful of applications. Luck falls upon me, as by end february I had been called up for an interview with PSA, one of my preferred employer. 2 Weeks and 3 rounds of interview sessions later, I'm glad to say that I've been offered the position I applied for. Still waiting for the appointment agreement though :P That's 1 milestone of my life waiting to be realised!

This year, I'll be 26 and barely starting out in my career. With only a few more years of youth left, it's hard to decide exactly what my priorities in my life should be. I once wanted to just have a simple life, work just enough and earn enough money for a decent life style, have a happy life with my dear ones. I really wanted to. Yet the recent turn of events in my life got me to think and think I did. Doing just enough, isn't really enough. I realised that at a deeper level, there is this ambitious lion inside of me wanting to do bigger things, achieve bigger goals and live a bigger lifestyle.

The definition of success is a fickle one - we each define success differently and the same person may define it differently at different stages of his or her life. The type of success I want is to make a name for myself as I develop my own potential to become the person I always wanted to be, to make enough money for me cater to a comfortable life for my loved one and then to seek the happiness in my life which at some point earlier eluded me. I know very well that success doesn't come easy and it certainly doen't come cheap and thus as a player, I have to pay the price. To pay the price I thus need to earn the capital through both my hard work and my heart work.

Ahhhhh....it certainly feels wonderful to let out these feelings and thoughts from within your heart. Having said so, I now know that what I've just said is as good as a declaration - of my own mission of success. There is no way back.